my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How external is "for external use only"?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
