Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
