Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
