just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just pee around me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
