My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
