It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
