remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
