Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
