where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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