i think my tv is drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
