That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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