im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
