why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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