How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
