I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
