last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize