After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
