Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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