At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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