i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
