how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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