these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
