i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I forget how to act sober
Randomize