im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
