It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
