Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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