The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
