Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You are a genius and a whore.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
