I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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