I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
