i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
