I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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