I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
