i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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