so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
