i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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