I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
