What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
