my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
as a side note pls kill me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
