theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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