Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
