Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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