party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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