doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
