I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
