how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
