Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
