you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
