We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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