Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
