Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
