At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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