Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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