I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
