Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
