I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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