I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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