I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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