I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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