Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
