Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
