I saw his package. It spoke to me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
