So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
