i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
