it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
