But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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