My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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