the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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